I’m sorry…

Dear Reader,
You have been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. I underestimated my posting abilities and led you astray.

Things started off so well between us, and then I allowed things to come between our relationship. Things like an active toddler and his new vocabulary (including “a door!” purple, turtle, ‘brue’, pink, ‘bwack’, and cock…which is not clock like you think, but cock, because daddy is terrible.); work amd entering 50 transfers, their tax information, and transit deductions; a new year and its resolutions; and getting to my 32nd week of pregnancy,  only to be hospitalized (why do you think I’ve got time to post?).

Yeah, hospitalized. I started having contractions. I swore it was just gas, lol. I’m currently on magnesium to stop the contractions and keep baby baking for a few more weeks, insulin for my blood sugar, an IV for fluids, antibiotics, steroids for the baby’s lungs to develop…basically entirely too much shit. I really just want to go home, but I’m doing what’s best for this little boy. I hope he’ll stay in there a little longer than his big brother. I’m feeling a lot better now that they’ve lowered the magnesium dosage, but let me tell ya-there’s nothing more humbling than having to use a bed pan.

I’m trying to do better in 2013 overall, so I hope that you’ll bear with me and my empty promises. I’m like the boyfriend you want to break up with, but can’t…I’m really going to try this time, babies and all.

Random.

  • The camera has been found! It was hiding in the pocket of a purse I don’t even remember using, along with an almost new EOS lip balm. Have you guys tried this stuff? As a lip stuff junkie, trust me when I tell you it’s amazing.
  • I’d love for someone to explain why diapers are so expensive. For something that’s essentially a portable toilet? Do adult diapers cost this much? I paid $45 for a box of 176 diapers yesterday…to come home to a coupon worth $10 off. Nice, baby store, real nice.
  • Tar.get has gotten me again. The baby store is in a center that also houses Tarjhay, Bed Bath and the outer limits, Marsh.all’s, a big name office supply store, a big name electronics store, a warehouse store, and a few restaurants. Yeah, they want your money. There were sales on everything, so of course we got…everything. We started out with a hand basket in the hopes of corralling our purchases, but things quickly got out of hand. I spent a good 15 minutes playing Tetris with the freezer when we got home.
  • I’ve found a new song to sing to the baby. I can tell he’s my child because this video cracks him up:  
  • And now, since he won’t let me write this post, I’m off to sing it to him.

The trouble with comparisons…

When I found out my play cousin was pregnant with Baby A, I was thrilled. My son would have a playmate, a friend, and an arranged marriage! Baby A was due in April, two months before our son was to make his debut. Then I found out another friend was pregnant with Baby C. Visions of playdates and trips to the zoo danced in my head. Baby C was due in August, two months after our baby boy. Baby A was born first. My son made his appearance a mere three weeks later–one full month ahead of the due date we were given. Baby C came in August, as planned.

The problem with having friends who have children so close in age to my son is that I find myself comparing. While I know that because my child was born prematurely, he will develop at his own pace, I still do it. I look at Baby A and see how much bigger she is. She’s got teeth and she can say “da da.” Baby C, even though he’s younger, is crawling and pulling up on furniture. He can hold his own bottle, and he’s got teeth too. My son has no teeth, although he’s been teething forever. He doesn’t seem interested in crawling, and he laughs when we try to get him to babble.

My best friend’s son was also born premature, so I sometimes go to her for advice. She helps to alleviate some of my fears about my son’s development. I look at her son, my godson, and see the potential that my own son can have.

So, instead of focusing on the things my child doesn’t do, I’m focusing on the things he does do. Like the huge smile he gives me every morning when he wakes up, or his infectious laughter. Or the way he captivates total strangers with his big, bright eyes. Or that fact that he loves any kind of book, and cries when the stories end. Or that he can change channels, play with his dad’s Nook, and sometimes text on mommy’s phone.

I know that he’ll speak, crawl, and walk on his own. I just have to be patient.

Sleep Deprived

Almost every morning at 5am, I wake to the sweet sounds of my baby boy. This wouldn’t be a problem if I hadn’t just put him to bed an hour and a half earlier. Somehow he went from sleeping in a five hour stretch to waking every 2 hours. Three, if you give him a bottle–and that’s if he decides to drink it.

I’ve taken all of the suggestions: a warm bath before bed-doesn’t work; cereal in his bottle-been doing it for the past 2 months-doesn’t work anymore; putting a shirt that smells like you in the crib-did it with both mine and his dad’s shirts-doesn’t work; and even this random Trini lady’s “put Nestum in his bottle to fill his belly”-doesn’t freaking work. It’s not a matter of getting him to go to sleep, it’s staying asleep.

I’m beginning to think I will never get a full night’s rest again.

His Room

When my dad first painted the baby’s room, I hated the color. I know, I picked it out. Now that the room is all set up, I love it (and so does everyone who sees his room). I think it pops with the color of the furniture and plays off of the bedding. So, here’s his room:

If you look closely, you’ll see a sleeping baby….and yes, I know “back is best,” but it doesn’t work for us.

Quick.

Thanks to everyone who commented on the last post.

I have about 5 minutes to post something…literally. This kid does not sleep. Just when you think you’ve put him down for a nice nap, he pops back up. The life of a mom. He’s getting bigger–he can roll over, pull up into a standing position, mimic raspberries and blow bubbles. He laughs, smiles, and coos. He rarely cries.

In the interest of building our family (even though I can’t fathom the thought of another child any time soon), we’re setting some goals for our future. I’m going to start applying to jobs in the hopes of being hired for the new year, but I’m also considering staying home until the baby is at least a year old. I hope that we’ll be able to purchase a home in the next three years. I’d like for our child(ren) to have a backyard and a play space. I’ve got a long wish list, so if we ever find all of these things in one house, I’ll know it’s meant to be. Here’s some of what I’d like: 4 bedrooms, a playroom or loft, a finished basement, a master bedroom with french doors, a walk in closet, his and hers sinks, a small porch, a deck, a jack and jill bathroom for the kids, a kitchen with an island and granite countertops…we don’t know if we’re decided on living in MD, VA, NJ, or Long Island. Part of me wants to be close to our family and friends, while another part of me wants the most house for our money. Who knew this being an adult thing was so difficult?

I think I hear the baby…

Long time, no blog

Taking care of a kid is hard work, man.  Especially since my baby has turned into quite the little chunkster these days. I don’t know exactly how much he weighs (we’ll find out at the doc’s next week), but he is killing my back. It seems like he’s putting on all the weight I lost when he was born. Mommy would like those 225 lbs back, baby.

He’s currently trying to escape his pack n’ play. In his sleep. I wish you could see the way this boy and his cirque du soleil moves.

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I think I need a lactation specialist. To live with me. Seriously. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Am I doing it wrong? My boobs feel like I just came from getting a nipple piercing in the Village.

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The hubs and I have figured out a plan for returning to work. I’m praying that he gets the job he applied for (and you should too).  It would make our lives easier if he was able to work in Brooklyn. I’m going to start applying in September, even though I don’t really want to go back until the Buddha baby is 6 months.  We’ve discussed the monetary issues and decided on a day care (both in BK and in Queens). I’m trusting that God will continue to take care of us, and that things will work out.

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I really want a car. I don’t necessarily need a car. I have no clue how to change a tire, and I’ve never actually pumped gas…but I really want a car. A black Nissan that I would dub “The MILF Mobile.” I probably should drive more than once every 6 months, though.

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Speaking of driving, you know how I know I was still kind of out of it after I got out of the ER? The next morning was alternate side parking. My best friend was staying with me and needed to move her car, but she was still sleeping. Why did I take her keys, drive around the neighborhood, go to the beauty supply store on one of the main streets, and then double park her car around the block? When I hadn’t driven a car since finding out I was pregnant in NOVEMBER?

Side note: That’s how I know my best friend loves me. She didn’t call the cops when she realized I stole her car, she congratulated me on getting up the nerve to drive.

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This weekend (and next week) are pretty busy for us. Frat picnic tomorrow, wedding on Sunday, best friend comes to visit on Monday, family pictures on Tuesday, and doctor’s on Wednesday. Then I think we’re back at my mother in law’s from Thursday on…

What’s going on in your world?

 

 

Maybe?

I’m starting to think that maybe labor is coming soon. I’ve heard that you’re supposed to be grumpy and moody…and I definitely am. I don’t feel like myself–actually, I feel like my younger self. Yesterday, everything and everyone annoyed me. I snapped at the ultrasound technician for sending in a student. (She had the stupid baby goop all over me and just looked and looked for a good 15 minutes. Even I know what part is his heart and his bladder by now.) Then I snapped at my mother about the baby shower favors. (She kept tying the ribbon in the wrong place.) Then I snapped at her again about one of her “game” ideas. (People don’t come to a coed baby shower to do arts and crafts. Nobody wants to make a baby out of magazine pictures.) I had to leave the living room because I felt so moody and disgusting and knew I was about to snap on my husband. He came into the bedroom to bug me about something, and I told him I was in a mood and didn’t know why. He told me “take your moody self to sleep, then.” So I did. And then woke up at 12:30 to pee and listen to him snore. I contemplated kicking him onto the floor…but just tossed and turned until he moved. I forgot to take my blood sugar and medication before I went to bed, and once I woke up, I just didn’t feel like it.

I’m annoyed with unemployment. I have to go down there today with my resume. I hope pregnancy doesn’t interfere with my benefits, because then I’ll have absolutely no money aside from the baby’s account. I’m feeling overwhelmed with all of these medical bills. I’m annoyed with my husband, because he made all this noise at 6am (after I had just gone back to sleep at 4) and then told me what he thought I should be doing today. Don’t make demands on my time. Garbage doesn’t even get picked up again until Thursday, so leave me alone. And how exactly do YOU plan to help? I’m annoyed with myself. I’m still having these phantom contractions that I don’t feel. I really just need this baby to stay put for a few more weeks so I can get stuff together. If he comes now, he’ll be sleeping on the couch, wrapped in a towel if the hospital lets us walk home with him. I’m supposed to get the carseat at the shower. Just stay in there, kid. I feel like life is spiraling out of my control…and I’m just so annoyed. I’m starting to clench my jaw without realizing it again. I’m moody and mean and just not myself. They say I’m supposed to be nesting, but I don’t feel like doing anything.

Ugh.

Keep baking, please.

Every week I go to the doctor for an non-stress test and fetal monitoring. I get hooked up to a machine so they can hear Baby N, and I press a button every time he kicks. Today, the technician made me turn to the left, then to the right, then drink some water. She asked me if I was feeling any pain or pressure. Um, nope. Apparently, I was having contractions and didn’t feel a thing. Can I hope that labor will be the same way?

I swore they were going to tell me the baby was coming and that I needed to go to the hospital, but we’re okay. Nothing major. I go back to my OB tomorrow to make sure N is still baking, then back to the perinatologist on Monday for more testing and monitoring. As long as N stays in there for another month, I’m good.

Gifts have been arriving since yesterday. So far we’ve received a blanket, 2 books, a baby on board magnet, a towel and washcloth, and 2 pairs of pants. I’m so touched that a few of the things came from my sorority sister, who defended her dissertation on Tuesday. The fact that she took the time to send gifts when she has so much going on in her own life was very sweet. The other gifts came from a friend of hubby’s who I’ve never met, but am thankful for.

Another reason I want Baby N to stay put is because we have so many things to fill up our weekends for this month. This Saturday, my mom is in a play. Sunday, we’re picking up hubby’s wedding ring in Philly. Next weekend, we’re taking maternity pictures and it’s Mother’s Day. The weekend after that is our baby shower. I think we’re free the weekend after that, but I’m not sure. The next weekend  is Memorial Day and the Dance Africa festival. The first Saturday in June is another friend’s baby shower, but if N wants to come, I’m okay with that. His due date is June 10th. We’ll see if he stays in there for that long.

Ups and Downs

Lately, my life revolves around doctor’s appointments. I go to the perinatologist twice a week, where they do a sonogram to check baby’s position and amniotic fluid. Then they hook me up to a machine and monitor his heartbeat and movement. Today, I went to my regular OB to hear his heartbeat, track his size, and hear that I’m being put on medication. Yay.

My best friend is being…herself. She tends to disappear sometimes. I really would like her to remain visible until after my baby shower is fully planned and executed.

My line sister is throwing me a blessing way ceremony…which means the apartment needs to be thoroughly cleaned. Maybe I should give my mother in law a call. Sunday was her birthday, so we took her out to lunch. It was actually very nice, and the food was pretty good too. I got to bond with her, my sister in law, brother in law, and nephews. My youngest nephew is finally out of his “I’m terrified of auntie when she’s here but ask for her constantly when she’s not” phase.

This weather is so weird. I don’t know how to dress anymore. I’m unpacking my summer clothes, but I’m scared to put away my winter ones…so the summer clothes are scattered across the bed. Hubby’s summer clothes are in Rubbermaid totes in the living room.

We went to see African Cats today. For my husband, it turned into an African Nap. I liked it. All about mothers and their power to love, protect, and raise their kids.

If the baby’s still inside, do I still get to celebrate mothers day? According to the one “mother to be” card at Hallmark, yes. The dazzling array of “administrative professionals” cards made me feel undervalued.

I sat outside to enjoy the sun. And got bit by something.

What’s going on with you?