I won’t have to choose between the hour commute and the 15 minute walk to work, because I didn’t get either job. After sending a follow up email with a list of feedback from employees at my last position, I got a phone call from the Generalist job and an email from the Specialist job. The Generalist position was narrowed down to 4 candidates, but the offer was made to someone else. The Specialist position was such a hard decision because they thought I was “the sweetest person” and “everyone really liked” me, but they chose someone with more experience.
Honestly, I cried. I thought for sure I would get at least one of these jobs. Hell, I thought I would have had to choose between both, because I just knew I was going to get an offer. This is a real shot to my confidence. On top of that, I’m just frustrated. I keep going on interviews, thinking they went so well…and then no job. Or my coordinator at the temp agency will say that the interviewers loved me, the position is a great fit for me…and still no job. It’s frustrating to keep getting my hopes up.
It’s frustrating to have a small child who I can’t really provide for. It’s frustrating to still be receiving unemployment for a over a year. It’s frustrating to go for government help, only to be told that because you receive unemployment, you’re simply not poor enough. It’s frustrating to be paying almost $500 a month in student loans. Even though we aren’t starving, it’s hard trying to pretend both of us aren’t worried. It’s frustrating that we had coverage when we went to the doctor, but since our coverage was retroactively canceled, we are now responsible for the bills that insurance should have covered. It’s frustrating to hear my husband on the phone with the union who took his dues every month, but now can’t seem to do anything for him.
I know this isn’t the end. I know that eventually, we’ll both get jobs that will make all of my frustrations go away. I know that this is “a test of our faith” and that we need to “cry out to God.” I know that “something will come along,” that we just “need to trust God,” and that “weeping only endures for a night.” I know all of that. But I’m still just so damn frustrated.