Long time, no post. I haven’t felt like publicly posting about much these days. We are dealing with some family issues, employment issues, just plain…issues. Here’s a post from my more personal journal, just a taste of what’s been going on while I’ve been gone.
I’m feeling like isht today.
Saturday, we traveled to Philly for my godson’s birthday party. We arrived late, after the cake had been cut and people were just hanging out. My son took to his godmommy, not wanting to move from her chest. I sat in a kid sized chair, at his eye level. When he reached for me, I held out my arms…and fell backwards…and watched him slip out of my arms and onto the hardwood floor.
His mouth was bleeding. His forehead had a bump. He was screaming and I was shaking. How could I have dropped him? Why didn’t that mother instinct kick in where I would have clutched him to me and fallen in a way that would have allowed me to shield him?
We took him to the hospital (without insurance). I was scared they would take him from us and label us negligent parents. They checked his vital signs, looked at his busted lip and the knot on his head, and gave us some ointment to help heal it.
He’s back to his normal sunny self, but I feel terrible and have been replaying it in my mind.