Losing myself

Moms: Here’s something that I’m really struggling with lately. How do you re-establish your identity as someone’s mother? I kind of feel like I’ve lost my sense of self since becoming a stay at home mom. I’ve officially become the frumpy chick at Walmart–I haven’t worn pajamas outside yet, but I generally feel like a bum these days. My jeans (except for 2 pairs) are all hanging off of me. Nursing bras are not the sexiest things on the planet. My husband refers to me as “Queen of the Sweatpants.” I just don’t feel like…me. We stepped out to a friend’s house for a playdate yesterday, and I couldn’t be bothered to do more with my hair than a ponytail (I’ve got micro braids now that I feel like tearing out) and throw on some sneakers. Can I take a second to say how much I truly hate these braids? Four of them have already fallen out, my head was killing me for a good week when I first got them, and I miss my own hair. I put them in to give my hair a chance to rest and grow out some, but I’m already sick of them. I’m giving myself until Saturday, because then I’ll have had them for a full month at least,

I think the weight loss is what bothers me the most. I don’t know if it’s the breastfeeding, but I look the way I did in high school and I’m not pleased with it at all. My give a crap has given up. I saw a quote from Kimora that says to dress like you’re going to see your worst enemy, or something to that effect–last week hubby and I took the baby to Target and decided to stop by Olive Garden…who should I see but my ex boyfriend? Thankfully I had pulled together a semi-decent ponytail and the cuteness of the baby took away from my jeans and sneakers. I think I need to get out more…find a group of mommy friends, preferably ones who live in BK. We (the baby and I) take walks when it’s nice outside, but we only go to the stores down the block. I don’t really want to take him on the train unless I absolutely have to. The fact that I don’t have a car means that we only go outside of our neighborhood when hubby gets in from work or on the weekend, and we usually go to Walmart or BJ’s to grocery shop or to buy things for the baby. I guess I could take a cab, but I’d need to lug his carseat and its base if I wanted to be safe (and legal). Ugh.

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