I’m starting to think that maybe labor is coming soon. I’ve heard that you’re supposed to be grumpy and moody…and I definitely am. I don’t feel like myself–actually, I feel like my younger self. Yesterday, everything and everyone annoyed me. I snapped at the ultrasound technician for sending in a student. (She had the stupid baby goop all over me and just looked and looked for a good 15 minutes. Even I know what part is his heart and his bladder by now.) Then I snapped at my mother about the baby shower favors. (She kept tying the ribbon in the wrong place.) Then I snapped at her again about one of her “game” ideas. (People don’t come to a coed baby shower to do arts and crafts. Nobody wants to make a baby out of magazine pictures.) I had to leave the living room because I felt so moody and disgusting and knew I was about to snap on my husband. He came into the bedroom to bug me about something, and I told him I was in a mood and didn’t know why. He told me “take your moody self to sleep, then.” So I did. And then woke up at 12:30 to pee and listen to him snore. I contemplated kicking him onto the floor…but just tossed and turned until he moved. I forgot to take my blood sugar and medication before I went to bed, and once I woke up, I just didn’t feel like it.
I’m annoyed with unemployment. I have to go down there today with my resume. I hope pregnancy doesn’t interfere with my benefits, because then I’ll have absolutely no money aside from the baby’s account. I’m feeling overwhelmed with all of these medical bills. I’m annoyed with my husband, because he made all this noise at 6am (after I had just gone back to sleep at 4) and then told me what he thought I should be doing today. Don’t make demands on my time. Garbage doesn’t even get picked up again until Thursday, so leave me alone. And how exactly do YOU plan to help? I’m annoyed with myself. I’m still having these phantom contractions that I don’t feel. I really just need this baby to stay put for a few more weeks so I can get stuff together. If he comes now, he’ll be sleeping on the couch, wrapped in a towel if the hospital lets us walk home with him. I’m supposed to get the carseat at the shower. Just stay in there, kid. I feel like life is spiraling out of my control…and I’m just so annoyed. I’m starting to clench my jaw without realizing it again. I’m moody and mean and just not myself. They say I’m supposed to be nesting, but I don’t feel like doing anything.