Who do you know that is awake at 8:15AM to have a full on conversation with you from Rockaway Parkway to Bushwick-Aberdeen? That’s a good eight stops.

Why must you have said conversation at that many decibels? My Zune is at volume 20, and I can still hear you. I really don’t care that you have tomorrow off.

It is 36 degress out…so why aren’t you wearing socks?

Please, for your own sake-find a better hair stylist. One who can match the color and texture of your ponytail to the hair that actually grew out of your head. I need to walk around with Connie’s* cards in my purse.

I saw you play with that booger. You have mascara; a mirror to look at yourself put on mascara; Eat, Pray, and Love; and lotion in your purse. You can’t carry tissue too?

Why do I know everything you carry in your purse? Becuase you kept pulling things out of it. Put on your makeup before you get on the train.

I was already in a bad mood when I left the house. I am sick, my throat hurts, and if I had my way, I’d still be asleep. Never before did I wish I carried a blow gun until I sat next to and across from you people on the L train.

*Master weave-ologist; 4 tracks for $65.


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