Wow, I guess the rest really was unwritten. Work, being in school, and other responsibilities have taken over my life…

-The second semester of grad school is almost done. First semester’s GPA was 3.9–this semester I doubt it will be that high. In fact, I’d be surprised if it was that high.

-My boss is out on maternity leave for a while. I think I’m going to step my game up in her absence (as her boss is still there) to start setting myself up for a promotion. No, not to take over her job–just to move up into management myself.

-I’m still awake because I’m scared to go to sleep. Not because of nightmares…but because I don’t want to flatten my “Easter curls.”

-The S/O and I have been talking about the “migration to the DMV.” Honestly, I’m really going to miss NYC if we do end up moving. The bodegas, Utica Ave., summer in the city, the fact that everything is still open at 3am. I really hope when I have kids that they’ll have a little bit of the Brooklyn swagga in them.

-I’m really excited about our cruise in August. I’ve been buying summer clothes, but it was snowing out here last week.

-Could that be the reason why leather jackets are still so expensive? I want a new one, but I haven’t found one I like at a reasonable price. I may have to get one of those no-name jackets from Square One in the mall. Or maybe the H&M one I saw that was super-thin pleather. Kidding.

-I guess I should go to sleep now, so I don’t do it in church later.

With school and work and everything else on my plate, I haven’t found time to post. Every now and then I pop in and read, but haven’t gotten around to writing myself. Since I have some time off, I figured I’d let you know what’s going on.

I have officially finished my first sememster of grad school. The grades? 5 A’s and an incomplete, thanks to a jerk of a professor who told me I could email him my final and then claimed he never receieved it–although I sent it to him 3 seperate times. He says he’ll change it at the beginning of next semester (Jan 5th)…all I know is he better be changing it to an A. I need to send my grades somewhere so they need to look right–is a 4.0 so much to ask?

I went to a psychic. Yeah, I know, it’s crazy, but I was curious. My co-worker was telling us about him and how he said she’d have children within a year–she’s expecting in April. So I went to see him, and he told me stuff he couldn’t possible have known. He told me about my job-he knew I worked in human resources, but that I had gone to school for English. He said after the kids, I’ll be teaching English. The kids? Apparently, there will be 3 pregnancies. He told me I’d be getting married…which was my biggest fear. I swore that I was going to be an old maid and have a bunch of cats or something. It seems like every time I turn around, someone else is getting married or engaged, or starting a family. Girls I went to high school with are married with 2 and 3 kids by now. Guys I went to college with are becomming dads. People I thought would NEVER get married are engaged. And I’m still sitting around wondering if it will ever happen for me. Now I know marriage is sometimes not all it’s cracked up to be, but seeing all these engaged people every time I get on facebook depresses me. The boyfriend and I have had “the talk,” but it’s not going to happen any time soon.

I have gained so much weight, and most of it’s in my face. I’m happy to have finally moved up to a size 5/6 (from a 0), but I wish I was more toned. It is my goal to get in some kind of shape in ‘09. I want to gain 6 more pounds (which would make me 130), and then start getting toned and even.

I am so lazy…I call myself having a get together next Saturday. My apartment is looking like a God awful mess, from the boxes sitting in my living room, the clothes I said I was donating that are still sitting in bags, clothes all over…and I’m sitting in bed typing this.

I’m watching Cribs…who or what made Pretty Ricky think they were hot? In what universe does 2 beds pushed together equal “grown and sexy”? All this hood rich nonsense…just plain foolish.

Anyway, I’m about to go make myself usefl, try to clean up and order food for next week…the kid is not a chef, and I want to have curry chicken and roti…so I’m off.

Stressed.

When a professor tells you that you look exhausted, it’s probably not a good sign. I have barely gotten any sleep this week, and the only thing I have to show for it is a half-assed, 12.5 Times New Roman double spaced 8.5 page paper on a topic I could care less about. Sadly, I still have a research paper, a paper on a film we’re supposed to watch in class tonight, a paper for my thesis, and some other paper or exam I’m sure I’ve forgotten about. School is not a game. I am dead tired and I wonder how I can stay upright these days. Red Bull is one of my best friends. Starbucks Double Shot Espresso is the other.

 

Why did I think this school thing would be easy? I saw other people who have gotten the degree and though, “If they can do it, I definitely can do it,” but maybe I was wrong. It’s only the first semester and I’m feeling burnt out. Four more weeks and maybe I can relax. I know I must be stressed, because I forgot all about the Maxwell concert this Friday. I’m doing schoolwork at home, schoolwork at work…if I could figure out a way to type papers on my blackberry, I’m sure I’d be doing that too.

 

Have I taken on too much? Everybody keeps telling me “Oh, you can do it. You can write an 8 page paper in your sleep.” Really? ‘Cause it didn’t quite work out that way. To have a professor tell me that if I’m complaining then it must be hard…”You’re feeling like that? You’re the star of the class, you can’t feel like that!” Seriously? You’re just adding more pressure on top of the expectations that everyone else has of me, and the expectations I have of myself. Yes, I want to make the Honor Society. Yes, I want to get straight A’s. Yes, I want to make the people who put in a good word for me not look bad. But it’s a lot of pressure. I guess that’s why I liked undergrad. Because no one knew who I was, or who my family was….I could just do me and not have to worry about how it would reflect on anyone else.

 

I am stressed. And I really just want it all to be over. And I can’t even register for the next semester of torture because I never did what I was supposed to do (hand in my transcripts) because I kept forgetting about it and never even sent the checks to the schools to ask for them…and now the time is drawing near that I need to hand in the stuff I forgot to hand in or else I won’t be allowed to register. I. Am. Stressed.

I can’t believe I haven’t written here since August. It’s not even like I have an excuse, since I have internet at home again. I guess I’ve been so caught up in my schoolwork that I haven’t had much time for blogging. That’s right, school work. Since I last posted, I have:

• Begun an accelerated masters program in Public Affairs and Administration. By this time next year, I’ll have my degree. I just finished 2 papers (5 pages & 10 pages), only to find out that another 2 papers are due in 2 weeks in the same 2 classes. Oh, and there’s a midterm on the 5th for a class I haven’t even opened the book for.
• Turned 26. I was actually thrown a surprise party. My friends from the old job, plus friends from college, (plus my boyfriend and his friends) took me to dinner, got me a tiara, my favorite dessert (key lime pie), and then took me to club Element to pop bottles.
• Lost my health insurance at a really crucial time. I’ve been having some serious issues that have not been resolved because I need some tests done. Thankfully, a friend was able to work something out for me and I see an endocrinologist on Monday. Please pray for me because I don’t know what this is, or how serious it could end up being.
• Dyed my locs “Cherrywood’ from Clairol’s Textures and Tones line. Can you believe I’ve had locs for almost a year?
• Went to Homecoming. My alma matter is becomming pretty wack. They’re letting in any old type of hood element. Granted, they need an education too…but the standards upheld by LsU students is getting low. Why are you at the Homecoming jam trying to fight somebody? Hopping over counters? And these were GIRLS. It also looks like Phi Beta Sigma has taken over the campus. For a chapter that had about 5 people in it when I graduated, they are branching out. They even got a white boy.
• Been doing quite well with the S/O. We went to a baby shower together and people kept saying, “You’re next!’ Yeah….I’m going to have to pass on that one right now. I have no desire to be a baby mama at this point. We also took professional pictures as one of my birthday gifts (Boondocks Seasons 1 & 2, Jazmin Sullivan’s CD, and Jazmin Sullivan & Maxwell tickets were the others). Now he’s saying that he won’t be taking any more pictures “until the wedding.” Okay…am I reading into things, or is it what I think it is?

Anyway, I’m at work and need to get back to it…although typing anything makes you look busy.

thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord…

Oh, you brought me, you brought me from a mighty

A mighty long way, a mighty long way…

For months I have been complaining and whining about this job. How they give me asinine tasks like watering the plants and typing mailing labels, and getting e-mail from a CO-WORKER telling me I need to be here at 9am because when our boss comes back from vacation on Monday she’ll be in early all week(joke’s on you because I’m on vacation next week anyway)…well, I don’t have to complain anymore because I have been offered a new position!

I will be doing HR for a luxury body product company (that was mentioned in this month’s Essence, the one with the First family on the cover) at a significantly higher pay rate than this popsicle stand. I’m happy to be returning to the HR field, but I’m disappointed in leaving this current position.

When I took the job here, I thought I’d be learning a lot. I figured I’d come in at the assistant level and work my way up, because everyone has to start somewhere, right? On my one year anniversary, I sat down with my boss and let her know that I felt I was ready to take on more responsibilities and start learning more about the business. I even asked her if there was some type of “junior planner” role I could take on. She told me how smart I was, how she liked my initiative, and that I would be able to learn and actually have input on an upcoming project. No dice. the only input I had was inputing names into the database. She played me like a fool, and I was left watering plants and making labels for her grandchildren’s presents for another six months. In May, I decided that I was fed up with the lack of responsibility and respect and began looking for a new place to display my skills. For months, I filled out applications, sent my resume on monster, careerbuilder, and craigslist. Few of my efforts actually resulted in interviews. I actually had a phone interview this week, and when I called in, they told me the position had already been filled.

Feeling hopeless and quite like a loser, I looked into the “quarterlife crisis,” which I seem to have. Basically, 20-somethings reach a point where they ask themselves, “what am I doing with my life?” and “what have I accomplished?” My problem was comparing myself to the other graduates of the class of 2005, wondering why I had wasted so much money on getting a degree when I had nothing to show for it but a big ol’ piece of paper.

Finally, my prayers were answered. (And believe me, I was a praying fool). I was offered the position and my offer letter will be arriving in the mail next week. My last day at this joint will be September 6th.

Oh, childhood…

Remember this song?

I remember my cousin teaching us the words he had learned in the teen program at camp, which went:

We didn’t start the dryer
There were socks and underwear
Flying everywhere

Or the other version:

I didn’t fart, you liar
It was just a breeze
I didn’t cut the cheese!

Ah, the memories.
Rockin’ Robin was one of our favorite hand games at school. We play with 3 girls, but it was more fun with 4. Someone always messed up.

Batman and Robin
Swingin’ in the air
Batman lost his underwear
Batman said, I don’t care
Mama’s gonna buy me a brand new pair

Somehow, as I got older the rhymes got raunchier.

Went downtown to buy a stick of butter
Saw James Brown sittin’ in the gutter
Took a piece of glass
Shoved it up his ass
Never saw a motherf^*r run so fast
Rockin’ Robin
Tweet, tway lee….

Makes me wonder what the kids are coming up with these days. I’m sure it’s much worse.

Fire & Brimstone

According to my grandmother, I’m headed to Hell. The joke’s on you Grandma! I’ve already been to Hell. It’s in Grand Cayman. Anyway, I’m headed to Hell. All because going to church bores the snot out of me. I haven’t been to my “home” church since Mother’s Day. Every single time our pastor preaches, I got to sleep, without fail. There are speakers who hold my attention, but he isn’t one of them. Start off with a story at least. I already have a touch of ADD, do something to capture my interest. So, because I don’t attend church anymore, I’m going to have to reckon with Jesus.

Now, I thought a person’s personal relationship with God was what mattered. Not going to church. Doesn’t the Bible say something about two or three gathering in His name? So can’t that two or three include me, Joel Osteen, and the TV? I’ve been made to go to church every Sunday since I came into this world…but now I’m destined for the fiery realm because I haven’t been to church since May. Technically, I have gone to church. It just hasn’t been for Sunday service. I like having my Sundays to myself. But since I’m going to Hell, I guess I better start showing up at church more often.

Facebook is my nemesis.

I hate my job. Yes I know, complaining isn’t going to make anything better, but I really hate my job. this isn’t what I signed up for. I didn’t know that I was going to become a botanist, an IT technician, a maid, and a personal secretary. I didn’t know that I would have more than one boss. I didn’t think I would be expected to preform in the capacity of an intern while having a college degree. This really isn’t the job for me. At all.

I’m tired of being the one who always has to fix the computer. Or the printer. Or the copy machine. I’ tired of being told to water the plants…if you have to keep telling me, then obviously I haven’t been watering the plants. If you’re depending on me to water them, it’s likely that they’re going to die. I’m tired of being the errand girl. It makes me wonder why I spent so much money on going to college, only to end up here. Facebook only makes it worse, when I see people I know with jobs as analysts and brokers and everything I should be, but I’m not. Facebook makes me feel like a loser. When I look at people’s pages and see all the things I could have been…I could be dressing better, going to fun restaurants and parties, actually having money left over after my bills are paid…I could have a car, I could live in D.C., I could have gone to law school, I could have a job that actually means something to me….

But at this point, I don’t care about this job. I care so little about this job that I’m actually blogging from my desk right now. I care so little that I’m wearing jeans to work. On a Monday. I care so little about this piece of crap job that I peruse careerbuilder, monster, and craigslist whenever my boss goes into her office and apply for anything that will get me out of here. It’s a dangerous place to be, this area of non-caring. This job is only a paycheck to me now. And I’m counting down the seconds until I can actually have a career, somewhere where I WANT to go to work on a Monday, somewhere where I’ll get paid to use my brain cells. Because quite honestly, a well trained monkey could do my job.

I never would have known how much my job sucked or how inferior it made me feel had it not been for Facebook.

Although I enjoy the perks of the current situation, the minuses far outweigh the pluses. I do not work for YOU. And I would appreciate if you would stop speaking to me as though I do. You have already crossed the line by going to my real boss and telling her that you feel like you’ve done something to me, and you don’t understand why I am giving you a “vibe”. Now this morning here you come with your bullshit about how you feel like you have to tiptoe around me and you can’t ask me to do anything…how when you asked me about toner for the printer, the answer I gave you wasn’t the one you were looking for. What the hell is that? I DON’T WORK FOR YOU. I don’t have to answer any questions from you concerning things I am doing for other people who are not you. Don’t call me aside like you’re the school principal. And then you ask me if something is going on? You know what’s going on? The fact that I don’t like you and I want you to mind your own business. The fact that I’m tired of being volunteered for the shit you don’t feel like doing yourself. The fact that you walk around like your shit doesn’t stink. I’m tired of being your lackey, your errand girl, your bitch. I’m tired of not standing up for myself and saying “fuck that” when you ask me to do your b.s. tasks. But I tell you what, this next event is my last damn event because I’m sick and tired. There is such a lack of respect in this office and I’m sick of it. If I don’t do certain things, they don’t get done. Even the courier who came in the other day said “Wow” when you asked me to do some bullshit you could have done yourself. If other people who don’t even work here can see the lack of respect, what the hell am I still here for? I have a B.A. A B.A. that I’m still paying for, and you have me doing the work of an intern. Water plants. Fix this. Do that. No, fuck you. I’m so tired of kowtowing to you because you’re the boss’ little favorite. The only reason I’m still here is because I haven’t found a new job yet. But as soon as I do….

Yahhh!

So, it’s probably not work-appropriate, but I really could care less. This is just about the only song that helps me get through my work day.